limbo

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 14:50:29 GMT

The crisp fall air
swirls between my fingers
as i spin; around and around
the dizziness is intoxicating

As my head gets lighter
the air gets heavier
a poison that stings
my lungs with every breath
but i keep spinning

around and around
faster and faster
until up is down
and down is up

i fall back onto the
ground that raised me
and stare up to the
stars that nurture my existance

and for these few moments
i am content

My life is an April fools joke

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:56:23 GMT

It just seems that way all the time lately. That nothing goes right and i am left as the jester to lifes court. I know that its my fault though, if i was senseable enough to more than double check, to know whats actually going on. Like yesterday, there was a lot of things going on, and i was dealing with peoples crap. Then my mind was blank for awhile, until i realized that i had missed a lab, a whole freaking lab, and i realized an hour after it was over. So i went running to my professors office to find out she had just left. I sat down and tried to do the lab myself, but it just sucked and I"m just an idiot who forgot about a 2 hour class. Seriously?!?!?!?!?! The one good thing that came out of that is, yea you guessed it, for others it was funny as hell. I'm sure it would be for me too if i wasn't the one having anxiety attacks, but i was freaking. Cuz how does one forget a 2 hour class until an hour after its over? But the thing is thats been happening a lot lately, nit the missing classes but how everything just doesn't seem to work out in the end. And i know thats because of me, that theres something that i can do to make sure that it does work. Idk maybe I'm destined for this role, because everything i do to make sure that things are structured and work out, never seem to work. I have to have things in a certain way, because thats the way i am, but sometimes i'll make sure that things are set up perfectly in advance, more so than necesary, and it doesn't help. But hey at least my room looks perfect from the outside, the perfect coverup for the chaos that lies within. Sometimes i wish that i could relax and not have to do the things that i do compulsively, but then i wonder if all the anxiety is work it. UGH. Oh well. But that was probably entirely random and pointless, so nvm.

blah

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 15:40:15 GMT

yea i know I'm randomly vague and never post, i actually forgot about this for a bit lol
i have sooo many things to get done that this all just slipped away
but w.e I'm here now right? lol

a brick wall

limbo

My life is an April fools joke

blah